Bittersweet
by FrenchPea
Summary: Romance/Humor: Van and Stef :) Well, this little idea came to me and I couldn't resist. It's weird and kind of sappy, but, hey, I sure like it :D...read and find out :)
1. Bittersweet

Bittersweet

Stefen woke up slowly; he had a terrible headache and his stomach was rolling worse than when Van had taken him through one of those Gate-things. He stood slowly and the nausea only increased; he dashed to the window and lost the contents of his stomach out it, hoping there was no one below him. He sat quickly with his head between his legs and moaned quietly, willing the headache and stomach troubles to go away. _Gods, I must need to see a Healer, he thought, but getting up was beyond him. In fact, moving at all was pretty much beyond him. _

Speaking of Van, where was he anyway? Stefen cracked a bloodshot hazel eye open and peered through his knees around the room. No Vanyel Ashkevron to be seen. _Gods, I can't think of what could be wrong with me...first I gain weight without eating more and now--this? _

He dropped his head between his knees again and sighed. His hair was probably tangled beyond all hope and if he knew anything he was probably pale and had dark shadows under his eyes.The slim Bard's constitution had been rapidly deteriorating for about two months now and honestly he hadn't told anyone, expecting it to get better.

Needless to say, it wasn't.

After what seemed like hours, he heard the door open and an unmistakable presence entered the room. Anxiety pulsed along the bond he and Vanyel shared and long, graceful hands cupped his face and lifted it up. He moaned as his eyes met clouded silver ones.

"Good gods, Stef! You look like you've just been dragged through the nine hells by your hair!"

"I feel like it too," Stef croaked, not even giving Van a weak smile.

"I'm enough of an Empath I can tell that," Vanyel said snappishly, softening the words with a loving smile. "What do you say we get you to the Healers, Stef?"

"That would be nice. If you feel like carrying me," Stefen closed his eyes and drooped. He really did feel like he'd been through hell...

Vanyel's only reply was to lift the slight Bard into his arms and look concerned as Stef's head lolled back and he was completely limp as the Herald-Mage strode purposefully down the hallway towards the Healer's Collegium. The sight of Van and Stef like that earned him more than a few odd looks but the scowl on the Herald-Mage's face and the condition Stefen was in were enough to silence any whispers.

Van burst into the Collegium and immediately several green-clad people turned towards him. "I need one of you to look at Bard Stefen!" he barked with an icy glare fixed on the eyes of the nearest Healer, a short, stocky young woman whose square face made her look more like a fighter than a healer. 

"I can take care of him, Herald-Mage Vanyel," she said firmly, "just bring him in here," she gestured to a small room.

Vanyel's Icy Gaze of Death (™) softened a bit and he walked in calmly, placing the limp Bard on the cot near the back of the room gently. The Healer frowned and looked at him. "Uh, he's unconscious?" she asked.

Van jumped. "He is? I--ah, yes. He is."

The Healer looked slightly amused and proceeded to check Stefen's pulse and blood pressure. "Hm, his pulse is a bit fast and his blood pressure a bit high," she said as the redheaded Bard began to stir.

Stef twitched and sat up with an "OH!" then he looked at the Healer and said weakly, "I need to throw up."

She hastily held out a large bucket and the Bard did just that. 

"Now, Bard Stefen, what are your symptoms, please?"

"I throw up a lot and feel terrible," Stef stated, watching the world spin curiously around his head.

"Tell me, have you experienced any excess weight gain?"

"Excess we--oh, yes." Stefen held up a finger and began to doodle in the air. "I suppose so. Say,Van, did you save any of that chirra food I liked so much?"

The Herald-Mage sighed and put his face in his hands. "No, Stef, I didn't. And I meant to ask exactly _why you liked it so much."_

Stef smiled dizzily, his large hazel eyes crossing. "Oh, it's okay. I feel more like eating some of 'Fandes' hay today."

"Bard Stefen, I'll need you to tell me exactly how long you've been experiencing these--ah, unusual symptoms," the Healer said. Vanyel noted to himself that she had an extremely odd look on her face. _Good gods, don't tell me this is some mysterious affliction like Randi has! _

"Two months," the redhead stated. "I'm sleepy...Van, where's my bunny pillow?"

"I did not bring it," Vanyel snapped. "I wasn't expecting you to want it."

"Isn't it you who always says 'expect the unexpected'? Er...no, it's not...it's...uh..."

The Healer cleared her throats. "Um, Herald-Mage Vanyel, Bard Stefen, I have a few very important and personal questions to ask you."

Vanyel stiffened and sat up. "Yes?"

"Go ahead," said Stefen sleepily. "Oh, Van, can you hear the stars? They're singing, _ashke, singing for you and I. It's so beautiful...can't you hear them? Oh the stars, the stars..." he began to hum tunelessly. "Oh the stars, the stars, the lovely stars, I can hear them singing and they're singing for me..."_

Vanyel looked to the Healer as if he was either about to cry or pound something into the wall. She plowed ahead nonetheless. "Is it true that you two are both _shaych?" _

Stefen continued humming obliviously and Van nodded weakly.

"And you have a physical--erm, relationship--together?"

Stefen sang, "Vanyel and I...our bed is always warm and open to the weary traveler if he does not mind that Vanyel is very vocal...isn't that so, Van?" he asked offhandedly.

Vanyel dropped his head into his hands again and moaned. 

The Healer smiled weakly at Stefen, who was swaying slightly and singing about the stars again."Well, Herald-Mage Vanyel and Bard Stefen, I would say that in about seven months you two can expect a healthy baby boy. Stefen is...pregnant."

Vanyel went absolutely paper white and looked up. "Oh," he said weakly, and then his silver eyes rolled back in his head and he toppled over, hitting the floor with a loud _thud. _

"Oh lovely, Vanyel, the stars are singing," Stefen continued in a delirious manner.

***

"Van-YEL!" 

"Yes, honey-sweet, oh love of my life, soul, and very existance, how may I serve you?" Vanyel reeled off with an exasperated note in his voice. This was the third time today...

Stefen appeared at the door, clutching his bulging stomach. "WHERE DID YOU PUT MY BUNNY PILLOW?" he bellowed, shaking one fist at Van.

"It is in the closet by the bedside table, oh master of my heart." Van answered, trying to keep his tone civil and placing the bookmark in the textbook he was reading. "Would it please you if I got it for you?"

"Oh yes!" Stefen chirped, rubbing his stomach. "Oh Van! He kicked! Come feel!"

Vanyel mentally rolled his eyes and walked over to pat the Bard's abdomen. "Yes, I'm certain he'll be a robust young thing." Then, before he had time to retch, he jogged into the other room and retrieved Stefen's sacred bunny pillow.

Stef grabbed it from him and giggled, burying his face in it. "Thank you Vanyel-_ashke!" He gave the Herald-Mage a large, sloppy kiss and danced out the door._

_:But it's a physical impossibility!: Yfandes protested weakly in the back of Van's mind. __:Utterly impossible, I say!:_

_ _

_:I know!: Vanyel replied, running his fingers through his silver-streaked hair. __:And the gods know I'm not __cut out to be a father!: _

Yfandes agreed. _:I don't know what you're going to do!:_

_ _

_:Neither do I!: _

***

"VANYEL! I WANT MY BUNNY PILLOW!"

Vanyel lurched upright and automatically retrieved said object without even waking up. Stefen snuggled into it and was silent.

***

"OOWCH!" Stefen screamed, convulsing madly.

"What? Whatwhatwhat?" Vanyel's eyes widened as the young man's face twisted with pain.

"Oh Van! My stomach! OWCH! IT HURTS!" the Bard wailed, squeezing his eyes shut and clutching his bulging abdomen.

_:IT'S TIME!: Yfandes screamed, giving Van a mental kick in the pants. _

Vanyel stumbled blindly upward and groped for a pair of breeches. He found them and slid them on, dashing out the door and down the hall like lightning on wheels. 

He made it to the Healer's Collegium in perhaps record time and dragged the nearest Healer away and back to his room.

The Healer turned out to be the same one who had first diagnosed Stef; she looked at his writhing form and grimaced. 

"This isn't going to be easy. Now, Bard Stefen," she soothed, "just push. It will be all right."

"I'm PUSHING!" the Bard insisted, grabbing Van's hand. "This DAMN THING won't come out!"

"It's perfectly normal for labor to last up to twelve hours, Stefen," the Healer informed him.

Stefen paled. "Twelve--hours?"

***

(Two hours later)

The Healer smiled and handed the squalling bundle to Vanyel. "Congratulations, Herald-Mage Vanyel. A perfectly healthy, perfectly normal little baby boy."

Vanyel breathed a long sigh of relief. "Thank the gods."

Stefen's chest was still heaving. "Ohh, Van...let me see him..."

Van smiled and sat down on the edge of the bed. They had gotten Stef to the Collegium in good time and everything had gone relatively smoothly. He handed the pink-faced baby to Stefen and patted Stef's hand. "What are we going to name him?"

"Tylendel," Stef said sleepily. "Tylendel Withen Ashkevron."

Van felt tears around the edges of his eyes as the baby grabbed at Stefen's fingers. Tylendel had stopped crying already and was viewing the world through curious new eyes--one silver, one hazel. 

***

With life just begun, my sleeping new son 

has eyes that roll back in his head

They flutter and dart, he slows down his heart

and pictures a world past his bed

It's hard to believe

As I watch you breathe

Your mind drifts and weaves

When you dream,

what do you dream about?

When you dream,

what do you dream about?

Do you dream about

music or mathematics

or planets too far for the eye?

Do you dream about

Jesus or quantum mechanics

or angels who sing lullabies?

His fontanel pulses with lives that he's lived

With memories he'll learn to ignore

And when it is closed, he already knows

he's forgotten all he knew before

But when sleep sets in

History begins

But the future will win

When you dream,

what do you dream about?

When you dream,

what do you dream about?

Are they colour or black and white,

Yiddish or English

or languages not yet conceived?

Are they silent or boisterous?

Do you hear sounds just 

loud enough to be perceived?

With so little experience,

your mind not yet cognizant

Are you wise beyond your few days?

When you dream,

what do you dream about?

When you dream,

what do you dream about?

When you dream...

***

# FINIS

PS: for those of you who think that this must all be a horrible nightmare, read on. For those who think we should leave Van and Stef alone with their son, this really is the end! J

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Epilogue:

"Van? Van! Wake up! It's past breakfast!"

Van stirred and wrinkled his nose. Who was it that was disturbing him? Where was 'Lendel and Stef? He had been feeding 'Lendel...when...

"Vanyel-_ashke! Wake up! I let you sleep in but you __really need to wake up!"_

Van slitted his eyes open to see Stefen standing there, slim and young as always. "Hey, Van...are you feeling all right?"

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Where's the baby?"

"Baby?" Stefen looked charmingly confused. "What baby?"

Vanyel realized with a start that it had all been a dream. There was no "Tylendel Withen Ashkevron" and Stef had never been pregnant. He felt mixed emotions, as well as a supreme sense of irony. No Tylendel...no pregnant Stefen...he reflected on that. It was the oddest dream he'd _ever _had.

What a bittersweet dream it had been.

# FINIS

(Yes, that's all. Now go away.)


	2. Author's Notes on Bittersweet

èAuthor's Notes: Bittersweetç

I'm sorry…this makes me wanna cry J. I didn't expect to like this fic much but, well, I do. Kill me for it, but I think it's sweet and funny. Course, I always did like sap. Oh well. How did you guys like it? I hope at least some of you enjoyed it, even though we all know what happened was a total physical impossibility, since Stef ain't got the right kind o' guts to make a baby K…By the way, that song ("When You Dream", I'm pretty sure) is beautiful… I really love it. And I was going to leave the end the way it was but I thought maybe some people would pelt me with rotten fruit, so I didn't. Either way, you should be happy. Man, my computer doesn't have a sticking-its-tongue-out smiley face. L. That pisses me off. AAAANyway… I think it's really well written for having been jotted down in about an hour, and I just…well, I like it. I can't help that I like to torture Stef and Van…'tis one of those things about me. I do that to my favorite characters…. either that or (in Firesong's case) I pamper them! 

JJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

Disclaimers: 

Vanyel: Say it!

No! I don't wanna!

Van: SAY IT!

NOOO!!! Don't MAKE ME!!!

Van: *bellows* SAY IT!!!!!!!!!

Oh…all right…………..I don't *sob* own Van or Stef…*sob, sob, sob* *inconsolable weeping* And I'm not making any money here… *sob, sob, sob, sob*

I also don't own those song lyrics, although I would love to say I do. They're © Barenaked Ladies J fun fun fun…

Ooh, yanno what…I think I own Tylendel Withen Ashkevron, though…or not. Yanno, I never did understand all these copyright laws….

Hsst! Hey you!

èèèFeedback is appreciated!!! GREATLY!!!ççç

èèèarnaudsfrenchpea@hotmail.comççç

èèèHsst! I also have AIM and MSN Messenger!ççç

èèèAIM: ArnaudsFrenchPeaççç

Love, till next time,

Zhai'helleva!

--Andi


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